Are you a 'people pleaser'?

Learn to say NO without feeling guilty

Do you ever feel that saying NO to people is absurd and impolite?

Do you always want to please everyone and appeal to their feelings or emotions?

Do you ever feel guilty when you say NO to people?

Do you wish you could put your foot down sometimes and firmly say No? keep reading, this could be what you are waiting for.

You know sometimes, many of us feel that we have to always agree to every request, offer, jobs, I mean virtually everything that passes our way. Thereby trying to be so conscious that you don’t want to offend anyone. Hey dear, you need to include a NO in your dictionary if you don’t have such vocabulary in it. Some people find it so difficult to reject things and say a NO, even if they are left with no time for themselves. Well, that could in a way be seen as selflessness but sometimes it could be a factor of indecision, when you are indecisive you say yes to everyone/thing and at the end it bounces back on you to regret.

Few days ago, I started this write up on how to say NO without feeling guilty, but at a point I paused on it and left in my draft box for something else. After attending a glorious meeting with some great women, I was inspired to continue the topic because I feel some one out there might be waiting for such inspiration. 

Personally, I have been a victim of such case, where I find it very difficult to say NO to people even at my own detriment simply because I don't want to offend them. But really, in life and with my little knowledge I have concluded with psychological studies that human are insatiable. so not quite long I decided to change that aspect of my life and care less of what people feel, think or would say, doesn’t matter how close we are.  Interestingly, the ability to say NO is closely linked to self-confidence. People with low self-esteem and low self-confidence are most likely to feel nervous and tends to rate others’ needs more highly than theirs, hence so quick to accept every offer that comes their way.

Here are helpful ways you could face people to theirs eyes and say a big NO if you aren’t convenient with the situation, opinion, offer, or request as the case may be.

1.     Have the mentality that you are refusing the request and not the person; the fact that you turn down someone’s quest doesn’t mean you don’t like the person. You have the right to your decision. People usually will adjust to your right in a long or short run. And they will understand that you have a right to your response even as they have the right to ask for a favor.

2.     Precise response. Keep your response simple and if you want to say a NO, let it be direct and firm. At the same time let your body language portray your response, remember you are not asking for permission to say no.

3.     Never try to explain; always have it at the back of your mind that you owe no explanations for your response. The moment you try to explain yourself then you become gullible.

4.     Be true to yourself; you are the only one who know you very well, you know your capabilities and your boundaries. Be clear and honest to yourself about what you truly want. ‘do not say YES when you need to say NO’ and vice versa.

More so, not only outsiders should you learn to say NO to but also your families, children. It’s very important, most especially children, for this would help them build a cognitive understanding of self-control. Even in your marriage or relationships, there are times where NO is the best answer. Scripturally, you are asked to love your neighbor as yourself not more than yourself, so if you love yourself, then consider yourself. Think about it!